Saturday, May 7, 2016

What to do if your Ukrainian wife is depressed in a new country

Dear friends,

If you have recently gotten married or you know someone that has tied the knot with a woman that has moved half way across the world from Ukraine or Russia to the United States, then you have most likely seen the affect that it tolls on her.

While you may be lost in the excitement of having found yourself companionship, it is important to keep into consideration the fact that this new Ukrainian/Russian woman of yours is human, just like you are, and expresses a lot of wants and needs that may be surprisingly similar to your own. When beginning to look at solutions to ending her depression, it is necessary to take a look at things from a perspective that you may not be familiar with.

Western men often experience this situation when they’ve married a Ukrainian or Russian woman and start to realize that she is lonely and down on herself. The first thing to realize is that she has just dropped everything she had had previously in order to begin a new life with you. She has no friends, no job to keep her mind occupied, culture shock by living in a country that is foreign to her, and, most importantly, that she is an entire globe away from her family.

One of the solutions that Western men like to come up with on their own is to take her to therapy or attempt to make her feel more at home by taking her to visit a Ukrainian or Russian club. This is not quite the first thing that the husband should be looking into. Taking her to therapy may be a very uncomfortable and unsettling experience for her and taking her to a Ukrainian or Russian club may be more awkward than it’s worth.

The main issue concerning her depression is that there may be a lack of communication on both of your parts. It is essential to ensure that there is a mature level of consideration, compassion, and empathy being displayed to her and that you are willing to discuss things openly with her. Getting to the root of the issue and finding out the exact reasons why she is depressed in the first place is an excellent area to begin.

Even though it may be frustrating at times, the more emotional support that you show her, the better a chance she has of relaxing. If you’re looking for a happy marriage with more than just companionship, you have to show her that you aren’t just a Western man that swept her out of her country–you have to show her that you are a good man, a man that will take care of her for life and a man that now cares deeply about her.

If it has gotten to the point where you are ready to call it quits, take a deep breath and relax. This is going to take patience, but the outcome has a high chance of being worth it. Your Ukrainian wife is under much more pressure and a considerable amount of more stress than the Western man is. There is going to be no “fixing” her and her issues. What has to be taken a good, hard look at is yourself.

Working on yourself is a solution that will not only show her that you’re willing to reconcile and accommodate to her needs (just as she has done to yours), but that you are genuinely concerned for her well being to the point where you’re taking it in your own hands to work on yourself in order to be better for her.

Being completely honest and having a willingness to be open is crucial to the overall development of your relationship and to her mental well being.

No matter how hard things get and no matter if it seems there will be no end in sight, there is happiness to find. Keep that in mind and vow to take care of her regardless of what happens in the future.

Give expensive gifts or not: that is the question?

Dear friends,

It is a well-known fact that Ukrainian and Russian ladies love receiving gifts. For us Ukrainian women, a gift from a beloved man is always precious but not because of the money. In the Ukrainian dating culture, a gift is not just a gift. First of all, a gift is a sign of attention and care and also an expression of your love and admiration.

In today’s article, we are not talking about the gifts as evidence of love and attention, but about (very) expensive gifts, namely: whether Western men MUST buy their Ukrainian women very expensive gifts (mink coats, diamond jewelry, cars, etc.) or not. I have received some messages from my readers with the question if this is usual in Ukraine to buy gifts from $2,000. The reason for this question is the requirement of some Ukrainian women to buy them such an expensive gift because, according to their words, all Ukrainian men buy their favorite woman VERY expensive gifts for certain holidays and buying expensive gifts for them proves the man’s total love for them.

So, guys, buy expensive gifts or not: that is the question?

First, I would like to say that it is not usual that a Ukrainian or Russian woman demands such expensive gifts. It has often been said that the way to a woman’s heart is with the least expected gift at the least expected time. In the case of Russian and Ukrainian women, however, that’s only half of the truth. It is true that in the Russian and Ukrainian cultures, women expect gifts from men they are dating, not out of greed but as symbols of their amorous intent.

It’s the thought that counts, not the money

As is the case with most women, Russian and Ukrainian women love to receive gifts from the men who date them. And just as is the case for most women, it’s not the amount of money that is spent, it’s the symbolism of love and care that matters most.

A Ukrainian woman for marriage who presses her (Western) man for excessively expensive gifts should be avoided. And although it is true that Russian and Ukrainian men buy the ladies they date gifts, they are rarely expensive. After all, as it is in most cultures, it’s the thought that counts, not the money.

Your gifts should be elegant

As is the case with most cultures, the amount spent on a gift can be construed that it reflects the level of commitment intended by the giver. Unfortunately, this might be far from the real intent and instead scare off both parties if they are not on the same emotional wavelength. It’s for this reason that gifts should not include expensive jewelry or other big ticket items. Try to keep your gifts small and inexpensive, but not cheap and trashy.

A gift should also not be considered an attempt to show resources that aren’t there, luring a woman into a relationship for the money. In my opinion, it is equally true that a woman who is either too demanding of money to be spent on her or expectant of gifts is probably spoiled and will no doubt continue to be so if the relationship is allowed to continue.

Talk openly with your Ukrainian woman on this topic

In order to assure a happy and continued Ukrainian-Western relationship, both parties should spell out what they expect from the other in order to avoid a clash over misunderstandings. If either party is marriage-minded and the other is not, it can be virtually assured that the relationship is doomed before it ever got started.

I would advise you to talk with the woman on this issue, about your financial situation and explain her that you love her but you are not able to buy expensive gifts. As I said about, it is the thought and attention that count, not the money. If she does not want to understand you, you should think about if this woman is suitable for you.

In my opinion, you should be wary of being the only one in the relationship buying gifts. Your Ukrainian lady should buy gifts for you occasionally, too – IF she’s really into you. You should also watch out for gestures and emotions that indicate your Ukrainian bride is a little TOO into getting (expensive) gifts. My advice is that you should run to the nearest exit if your woman drops any overt hints about wanting material gratification.

In conclusion, I want to say that by nature the Russian and Ukrainian men are generous and love to buy gifts to their favorite women. However, not every man in Ukraine and Russia can buy a $200-300 gift (this is a high price for a gift!). So, if a Ukrainian woman tells you that every Ukrainian man buys his beloved woman mink coats and diamonds, do not believe her. Only a few men in Ukraine have enough money for these gifts (read the interview with Irina about her experience with Ukrainian men). As for me, it is obvious that the woman just wants to use you if she tells you this.

Three other tips to find out if your Ukrainian woman is real

Dear friends,

I wrote an article already how to verify the true identity of a Ukrainian bride on a dating site (to read the article please click here) as well as how to identify and avoid Ukrainian pro-paters (to read the article please click here). And I created a Ukrainian dating guide on online scam (click here). But almost every week, I get mails from my readers who are wondering how to find out if the woman is real or not. This is understandable because you should always be cautious while using International online dating and matchmaking services.

There are a few distinct signs and tips that you should always look for when communicating with someone you think you may want to start a real relationship with. In my opinion, there are many ways to tell if your Ukrainian or Russian woman for marriage is real or if she is a scam.

You can never be too careful as this is the “digital age” (note: remember that being overcautious may lead your Ukrainian dating adventure to the disaster – to read more click here). Once you’ve followed these few tips, you will know if the feelings are true or if just a scammer out for some quick cash.

Tip #1: Call me, call!

The first tip you should always look for when calling your Ukrainian or Russian woman for the first time, is listen to the sound of your voice. In my opinion, her voice should sound excited, and you may be able to hear a little nervousness as well (I am sure that you are also very nervous if you call a woman from Ukraine for the first time). If she sounds an excited and slightly nervous, then that is a great indicator that she’s real and that’s she’s very interested in you as well.

She should sound nervous because she may know exactly how to respond as she’s just so excited to finally hear your speaking voice for the first time. And the first time you call someone it can be a little nerve-racking. But if you call and she sounds monotone and very nonchalant, that could be a red flag for you to note. Some people don’t know that their feelings can simply be expressed in their voice.

Tip #2: Use Skype and study the woman’s body language

The second thing you should take note of is how she acts when you Skype call her. By physically seeing her, you will be able to pick up on your emotions and even actions as well. If you call and she’s very calm and seemingly not connected then that should definitely be a red flag.

The first time you video chat with someone they should be a little nervous, and maybe even overwhelmed with excitement the first few times you all decide to video chat. I believe that it should be a pleasant and overall happy experience if the Ukraine woman is sincerely interested in your personality.

Tip #3: Use interpreters

The final tip is when you can you should use interpreters, they will make this overall situation go a lot smoother. This will help remove any language barriers that may arise. And the interpreters will also be able to find out if the Ukrainian or Russian woman is genuine and real with what she is speaking. You can use the interpreters when you are on the phone with your Ukrainian or Russian woman and even when you go visit her as well. It will greatly help you out in the long run and before you become too emotionally invest as well.

Important: I recommend you to find a neutral interpreter (e.g. translation office in your city) because the International dating agency’s interpreter would not help you to find out if the woman is real or not. They do not want to lose a customer who pays for their services!!!

I am sure, once you have followed those few simple tips, you will then know if your Ukrainian or Russian woman is real or just a scammer. This will greatly help you out in the long run as well. Another tip that you should follow is always be careful and cautious. But other than that, have fun and fall in love with a Ukrainian lady today.

Advice how to navigate your first date with a Ukrainian woman

Dear friends,

You (like many Western men) are familiar with these challenges, namely: communicating with a Ukrainian woman online is fine and phone calls with her are just wonderful. People want to meet each other in person for the first time. Perfect!

However, after this decision most men ask themselves how the first date with the Ukrainian woman should be navigated. As you know, the first date can be a disaster if you do it wrong. Today, we try to answer the following questions: What to do? Who will pay for the first date? How much should you pay at the first day? Preparing for a first date with a Ukrainian lady can be quite nerve-wracking, even for the most mature of individuals. So I am sure that my advice may be very helpful for you.

I get many mails from my readers who share their experience about their dating in Ukraine. Some of them had to spend more than $300 on the first date because Ukrainian ladies led them to the most expensive restaurants and wanted to go on a private taxi home. So the question is this is normal or not? Do Ukrainian men do the same or not? My answer is NO, this is not normal. No, Ukrainian men do not spend usually $300 at the first date.

Before I give you some advice how to navigate the first date with a Ukrainian lady, I would like to describe you the average scenario of a date in Ukraine. The fact is that only a few men in Ukraine earn more than $1,500 per month, and that means that only a few men in Ukraine are able to invite a girl to an expensive restaurant and spend $300 for the meal and taxi.

Generally, the daters go to a middle-class (not expensive, but not very cheap) cafe for coffee and something to eat. In this case, we’re talking about people who earn an average salary per month ($300-500). Usually, Ukrainian men spend max. 200 hryvna (about $20) for the evening.

What about the dates with Western men? What do Ukrainian women expect from Western men at the first meeting? And how to prepare for the first date? My first advice is that you must NOT spend a lot of money at the first date ($150-300 are too much). A bouquet of beautiful flowers is a really MUST-HAVE at the first meeting with Ukrainian and Russian ladies. A medium bouquet costs about 100-150 hryvna (about $10-15), and I think that it is an economical sign of attention for a beautiful girl.

The second advice is that you should be ready to pay for the dinner. Ukrainian and Russian ladies do accept the invitation as an acknowledgment and do not offer to pay e.g. for meals at restaurants in return. It is a special feature of our mentality which is rather traditional. If you are looking for a Ukrainian wife, you should know that (you find more information on this issue in my article “Should Western men always pay for Ukrainian & Russian ladies?”).

But you can prepare for that and impress your girl by finding a restaurant for dinner. You can ask for nice restaurants at the hotel reception desk where you live during your trip in Ukraine. Besides, you can use Internet (I am sure there are a plenty of reviews of other men who describe different restaurants, cafes or clubs during their trips in Ukraine). A dinner at a middle-class restaurant/café for two persons may cost 300-500 hryvna (about $30-50).

If your date tells you about (very) expensive restaurants like “Veljur” or “Inter-Continental” in Kiev, you must be aware to pay more than $1000 per dinner. So it is recommended to make an online research and learn the names of expensive restaurants in the city where the first date will take place. Thus, your date will not become a big financial disaster for you.

As you see, an average date with a Ukrainian woman will cost you about $70 (flowers and dinner). If you want to be a REALLY BIG gentleman, you can offer your woman to pay for a taxi. Usually, it costs about 100 hryvna ($10), not $50-100.

How to react if a Ukrainian woman wants to clearly make you bankrupt? If the woman obviously shows you that she is displeased by your choice of the restaurant and after dinner she can no longer go home by public transport and can imagine going home only on a private taxi which costs 4 times more expensive than the official one. Well, in my opinion, this is more than evident that this kind of woman you are dating is more interested in your wallet than in you.

Developing a communication and relationship with this woman makes no sense (or do you guess that I am wrong?). I am sure that these professional pro-daters and gold diggers in Ukraine and Russia will use your wallet until you become suspicious and stop spending your money for her needs.

Guys, believe me Ukrainian and Russian gold diggers know better than to ask you to fund their expensive tastes, at least in the beginning; they’ll tap into your desire to help them afford the things they need (food, accommodation, transportation). If you want to pay about $200-300 per date with the Ukrainian woman in the hope that she would later change her desires and will understand your financial opportunities, you are really foolish enough if you think so (in my hard opinion). So do not waste your time and money and look only for normal women in Ukraine! Believe me you will find them!

Good luck in Ukraine!

Seven reasons why Western men want to meet Ukrainian ladies

Dear friends,

After having read various Russian and Ukrainian women forum threads, I collected the most common reasons why Western men want to find a Ukrainian woman for life. As you know, more and more men from Western parts of the world are interested in meeting women from Russia and Ukraine. Some people might attribute this to increasing distaste for the “dating scene” or other social factors related to meeting members of the opposite sex. I don’t think that is the case.

Instead of chalking this state of affairs up to negative social situations, I prefer to think of this phenomenon as a compliment to Ukrainian culture. There are quite a few things about Ukrainian culture that make meeting a Ukrainian woman appealing to men from the West.

Here are the most common reasons why Western men dream to find a woman from Ukraine :

Reason #1. Traditional Family Values

Western men appear to value family values more and more. While it would be rude to make generalizations about the women that Western men typically encounter, it can be said that women from other cultures tend to possess a different perspective on the role of the family.

Reason #2. Traditional Culture

There is stability and confidence in a stable cultural environment at home. A stable culture at home often results in a stable, happy family. With divorce rates hovering around fifty percent, is it any wonder that men would seek out partners who value the stability and consistency that a stable culture provides?

Reason #3. Respect of a Good Education

Western culture values celebrity status quite heavily. While this is good for entertainment purposes, it is a shaky foundation upon which to build a family. Education and the opportunities that education represents are vital to the long term success of a person and their family. Obviously, a man who values that belief in their own life would value it in a partner.

Reason #4. Relationship Goals

When a man is looking to establish a long term relationship, they often have to meet quite a few people before they find someone with a similar desire. It can be exhausting to meet a woman and become interested in her as a person, only to find that she is not interested in establishing a deep relationship. Men would obviously gravitate towards people with similar relationship goals.

Reason #5. Honesty

Everyone appreciates knowing where they stand with everyone. Trust is an important part of any relationship and is absolutely required. Men would obviously want to find people who value trust in a relationship, and who embody that trust in their actions and words.

Reason #6. Expressing Their Feelings

Men are not typically regarded as adept at expressing their thoughts and feelings. However, that does not mean that men don’t value that trait in a partner. Women who are comfortable with their feelings and able to express them effectively make great relationship partners.

Reason #7. Femininity and Sweetness

There is nothing more captivating than a beautiful woman. A woman who can steal your heart with a glance, but also connect with you on an emotional level is rare indeed. However, when a man finds a woman like this, he rarely lets her go.

According to most Western men looking for a match from abroad, us Ukrainian ladies embody all of these traits.

My question to you, dear Ukrainian Dating Blog readers: why do you want to meet Ukrainian ladies for marriage? What are your reasons for that?

I would be happy to read your answers and thoughts

Risk Factors for Problems in a Ukrainian-Western Relationship

Dear friends,

There are indeed some problems that can arise between Ukrainian and Western partners in a cross-cultural relationship and marriage. From my personal experience with an intercultural relationship, I know that there are some big risk factors for problems in a Ukrainian-Western relationship. Today, we discuss some of the most important risk factors in order to avoid these problems in your relationship with a Ukrainian/Russian woman.

One thing that Western men should do before getting online to find a Ukrainian woman for marriage is to take the time to study their culture first. Knowing what to expect can save a lot of headaches and problems. It takes time to adjust to different cultures and mindsets. It is well worth your time to explore the cultural differences between diving in.

One of the most common is that Ukrainian and Russian women always expect to be invited. They also expect the man to pay for the entire date. Western men today are far more liberated to that and some of them find these Ukrainian values a bit offensive. Dating in America is much different from overseas. American women are much more independent and are used to paying their own way. They have no problem splitting the bill for their dates and some will pay for the whole date themselves.

The communication between a Ukrainian woman and a Western man can pose another problem. People in America grow up watching arguments and disagreements being fought in a totally different way than their eastern counterparts. The value systems differ quite a bit in specific areas. This is true personally as well as socially.

Religious differences are another type of the risk factors for problems in a Ukrainian
-Western relationship. Not sharing the same beliefs can really put a broad gap between you and your potential mate. It takes two very understanding people to ever bridge this gap.

You might run into someone who has children from a previous marriage. Or else you could be the one with the kids. Whichever way it is, this too can cause problems. Getting to know the kids and loving them takes time for the partner who is meeting them now for the first time.

One of the all-time causes of divorce and separations as well as arguments are finances. Financial problems can always cause a riff between a couple who is trying to get settled and start a new life together.

Another risk factor for problems in a Ukrainian-Western relationship is when the couple tries to get together too soon and have not really formed a deep commitment to one another. This makes it much easier to let go whenever things get tough and discouraging. A deep commitment is what causes relationships to last and stay the course.

Even the beliefs about what a marriage should be and what it should be like can be quite different when you marry across ponds. Western men and Ukrainian women have been raised quite differently. This creates a lot of spaces for needing compromise and understanding. The attitudes toward various things are just very far apart. It takes working together to form the kind of bond that is going to last.

A common factor for ending up in a divorce that is common to both situations, whether it is American couples, or Ukrainian couples, or a mixture, is marrying at too young of an age. So many times young people feel like they are so in love that nothing will ever separate them. Then as time passes and they become wiser their whole attitude changes concerning this belief.

If you are considering looking for a partner from another country, then it is a wise idea to familiarize yourself with their culture and make sure it is what you want and what you can live with. As you can see, there are plenty of risk factors for problems in a Ukrainian-Western relationship. Your woman from Ukraine and you should work hard on your relatioship. But the result is more than great!… Believe me – I know that from my personal intercultural dating experience.  This work is worth it!

Guys, Do you Really Want Only „One Thing“ from Ukrainian Women?

Dear friends,

I’ll start my new blogpost by bringing you an example of a bad message a Western man can write to his Ukrainian girl:

„I sent you some photos and a letter but I have not heard back from you. I would also love to chat with you here or on another messenger. I love your beautiful mind, your sexuality and you long lovely legs.
Kisses…“

Almost every day I read through various forum posts in which Russian and Ukrainian women exchange their experiences in relationships with Western men. I also want to know what problems single women from Russia and Ukraine have with the Western culture, traditions, mentality as well as intercultural relationships.

I’ve recently come across an interesting discussion of the women who wonder, whether it’s just a sexual relationship with a beautiful Ukrainian or Russian woman that Western men are looking for.

The woman confessed that many Western men she’d met through International dating sites asked her if she could send them her nude pictures. Speaking from my dating experience, I, too, can say that a few gentlemen asked me to send them “sexy pictures” of myself. I must say honestly, these requests did not make me happy. Moreover, I was deeply offended by that and I felt like a piece of meat.

I’ve already written that Ukrainian and Russian women on the Internet have a personality and character. They have feelings and emotions. Therefore, you have to respect them. It means that you, dear gentlemen, must have patience and find time to get to know them better. The important step to intimacy will take place someday and this should be something special to the both of you.

Many women say that they ignore such requests and want no contact with such men. And believe me, Ukrainian and Russian women for marriage do not want to see any naked pictures of youselves.

My advice is act like gentlemen and do not ask for nude pictures if you dream about a serious relationship with a Ukrainian lady. I know that not everyone makes such a thing but there are still those men who think that such a request is something normal to do. No, no, no! My second piece of advice regarding the Ukrainian dating is not to write about sexuality of women, your erotic fantasies and dreams. Believe me, this does not work!!!

If you do not know what you should write about, just ask me. I’ll give you tips on how to write and communicate with Ukrainian and Russian ladies the right way.